Just an All American Boy

Barack Hussein Obama was born on August 4, 1961 in the state of Hawaii. That was the week the Berlin Wall went up.

Coincidence? I wonder.

Once again they’re comin’ out of the freakin’ woodwork, boys and girls. This whole silly and stupid non-controversy was reignited last week during a Town Hall meeting that was hosted by Delaware representative, Mike Castle (one of the very last Republican moderates standing – Good for him). One of his constituents, a woman who was obviously bat shit crazy, removed her birth certificate from a plastic baggie and screached:

“Congressman….umm….Castle, I wanna know – I have a birth certificate here saying I’m an American citizen….and I wanna know why you people are ignoring his birth certificate! He is not an American citizen! He is a citizen of Kenya!….I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!!”

Oh, dear! This shrill, idiotic twit then proceeded to lead the entire gathering (most of whom were cheering her on) in a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance. To his credit, the good congressman tried desperately to explain to this asshole convention that the President of the United States was indeed born on American soil – but to little if any avail.

It was one of those moments – disturbing, weird and wonderful all at the same time – that makes the train-wreck of American politics so much fun to watch. But it wasn’t merely the anonymous head cases who were joining in the fun. There was G. Gordon Liddy being interviewed by Chris Matthews on MSNBC’s Hardball saying with a straight face that Obama is not only Kenyan-born, he’s an illegal alien!

You’ve got to love G. Gordon Liddy – I sure do. Seriously! There is something to be said for a guy who would hold his finger under an open flame at Georgetown cocktail parties just for kicks, shits and giggles. The man is an inspiration!

On another Hardball edition, Matthews interviewed California Rep. John Campbell who is one of the knuckleheads behind a new piece of “legislation” which would make it illegal for a person to run for president without first producing a birth certificate. Again, the whole stupid purpose of this proposed “law” is to infer that Barack Obama is not a naturalized citizen. After asking him seven or eight times if he believed the president was an American citizen, Chris Matthews was finally able to get this jackass to concede, “As far as I know.” As far as he knows. How white of him.

Congressman Campbell and his compatriots have been dubbed “The Birthers,” a group of hard-line extremists determined to take advantage of the fact that an American president, by Constitutional mandate, must have been born inside the territorial boundries of the United States. Their purpose, obviously, is to cast a shadow of doubt on the legitimacy of the Obama Presidency.

Anyone who seriously believes that our president’s race is not the real issue here is kidding themselves blind. It’s all about his race. Let’s face facts. There are many Americans who refuse to accept the fact that the leader of the free world is not a white male. I’d love to be able to tell these idiotic people that they can look on the bright side of things and remind them that he is a Christian – but that wouldn’t do at all for these clowns. They’re hell-bent on believing him to be a Muslim.

If you are as big a fan of irony as I am, I’ve got a real dandy for you right here: Of the two major candidates for president in last year’s election, Barack Obama was the only one born in the United States of America. John McCain was born in Panama. Isn’t it interesting that it was the black guy whose citizenship would be called into question? Irony indeed!

If this is a Left Wing conspiracy – trying to pass this “Kenyan” off as an American citizen and, thus, a legitimate president – I must concede it’s a damned brilliant one! Just for fun, what say we take these nutty, Right Wing theorists at their word, shall we?Here for the very first time, I am pleased as punch to present to you….


This evil, subversive plot has been in the making for damned near forty-eight years! By all evidence, since the moment of Obama’s birth! Here is a question that all good and decent Americans should demand an immediate answer to: Was the newspaper, the Honolulu Advertiser, in on the scheme when they printed little Barack’s bogus birth announcement on August 9, 1961? Just where the hell does that paper lean editorially? To the hard Left, I strongly suspect. Wouldn’t that just figure!

The NAACP, in coercion with the American Communist Party, Democracy NOW and Ed Asner, concocted this evil plot deep in the basement of Norm Chomskey’s home in Cambridge, Massachusetts in the midst of a week-long peyote mushroom binge. The elevation of this dangerous and subversive man to the highest office in this grand and glorious land of ours is only the first step in their dastardly plan. Their next objective will be to force our daughters – our little personifications of patriotism and purity – to court and co-mingle with NEGROES.

Before very long our children – your children – will be physically forced to memorize whole chapters of James Baldwin’s “Native Son” and “The Autobiography Of Malcolm X.” Trust me, it’s only a matter of time.

They must be stopped. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the country that we all hold so dear to our freedom-loving hearts. America is falling; victimized by forces who would put a foreign-born A-Rab in the seat that was once held by the sainted Ronald Reagan – RONALD REAGAN, I TELL YOU!

My friends, now is not the time for the faint-of-heart. It a time for boldness and stoutness of mind and spirit. Only our collective intestinal fortitude will defeat the Liberal cabal – those nattering nabobs of negativism – who would burn our beloved country down. The time has come to give America back to the real Americans. My fellow citizens, you ignore me at your own peril….

And one more thing we must never ever forget: Barack and Michelle Obama named their two daughters, “Sasha” and “Malia.” What’s that all about?

Of course, what you just read is meant as satire. Only a complete and utter fool could possibly take any of it seriously. The really disturbing thing, however, is the fact that there are millions of people out there who would read those last five paragraphs and wouldn’t even come close to getting the joke. While there is plenty of satirical gold to be siphoned from the bottomless mine that these lunatics have provided us with, they have created a dangerous atmosphere that is enabling nuttiest angels of the American nature. That is something that would do us all well to think about.

Tom Degan
Goshen, NY


The graphics under the photograph of President Obama at the top of this piece is from the August 9, 1961 edition of the Honolulu Advertiser, announcing his birth. At the time Hawaii had been a state for two years. Just a little reminder.


What’s The Matter With Kansas?
by Thomas Frank

2 responses to “Just an All American Boy

  1. seriously, thank you (and thx for the tweak, too)

    btw, I’m holding my vote on this still. I wouldn’t have thought it was important until his visit to Kenya when the prez announced how proud they were to have a native son become prez of the US.

    now, why did he say that?


    but I’m less worried about his citizenship than I am about a whole lot of other things.

    ~ Rady

  2. Colbert takes up your cause, dude. check out the video here


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